Finding Answers and Searching for the Recipe One Step at a Time

My son is a musician and a song writer.  He discovered his passion for music at age 13.  In high school, he was an honors student and pretty darn amazing at remembering facts and figures.  He always excelled in the sciences.  He had a gift for understanding scientific concepts.  When he was quite young, he would love to get as gifts large coffee table books covering all sorts of biological and animal life subjects.  He would devour the contents and to this day can still pull up details about strange creatures and organisms.

He is one of those people who is fascinating and is knitted together quite differently from most others. He has the intellect of a geeky kid, but not the personality.   He is extremely outgoing and social.  This fact has made growing up tough for him. Even though he was one of the smartest kids in his classes, he struggled to perform academically because of the negative distractions.  He has not had an easy road. At the age of 18, he has experienced much more hurt and heartbreak then most people do in a lifetime.  His struggles have been epic...but he is a survivor.

I was told once by an elderly lady whom we came into contact with when he was a toddler that I had been given a gift. She told me that I had been given a child that was here to change the world.  Oh course, she was saying this based on his current headstrong and unrelenting behavior, but somehow she saw something in him.  During some of the toughest days as a mother, I would cling to those words, thinking that they meant something.  I told myself that she must have been an angel send with a message.  It got me through a lot.  I am grateful to this day that she took the time to impart her words. We should all do that more often.

Paris 2011. He spontaneously joined a group of street performers. He played for two hours with these guys who had mad respect for him.  He even drew a pretty huge crowd of people.  I think he still sees this moment as one of the
happiness afternoons to date. 

I had always just assumed that both my kids would have a great high school experience.  That my house would be filled with friends and parties, football games and school activities. I assumed that I would be able to guild them into choosing the best, most well selected colleges that would match their passions. I guess that I always thought that if I worked hard and became the best mother on earth, that they could move mountains and that everything would work out just great.  I assumed a lot, but learn oh so much more.  They say that when life throws a curve ball, you better have your mitt ready.  Well, we caught the ball...and we are still trying to recover from the sting...we are also looking for the recipe to the right lemonade.

This image was taken back in 2012 by my daughter, who is a gifted artist and photographer.  I have a ton of images of him throughout the years walking away. Kinda a strange happenstance.  I realized this during the last 6 months...that he always seemed to be walking away, in search of something.  Perhaps we will help him find that something now.

So now we are on a new road.  A new normal.  A one day at a time future.  The recipe is somewhere out there. No doubt Life will point us in a direction.  Life has a way of doing that.  I still believe that I am that great mother who can help my kid move mountains.  It just so happens that we've moved to a new range.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

Dale Carnegie

***

Taking a Moment to Breathe. Reflections from the Studio

You may not always have a comfortable life 

and you will not always be able to solve all of the world's problems at once 

but don't ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.

Michelle Obama 

The last week has showed me that sometimes hope and courage in combination can move mountains.  Many of you know about the struggles our family has faced over the last year, especially the last 6 months.  There has been a huge turning point to the positive and I am...for the first time in a long long time able to breath again.  The hope that I have held onto so dearly has changed shape going from a desperate hope to a hope that with it carries a smile.  

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else on this earth.  It's gentle and sweet during the easy times, but tenacious and ferocious like a lion when put to the challenge of defending and saving her own.  I know this having experienced it first hand.  Don't mess with the mamma! 

For the first time in my life, I have used my art to get through it all. It has distracted me when I needed to be distracted.  It has comforted me when I needed comforting.  Through this time, I have re-connected with my artist child, clinging to it like a baby clings to it's blanket.  I don't intend on ever letting it go again because I realize that it is so much an important part of who I am.  I am amazed at what I have learned about myself. Without this difficult trial, I might not have ever found my way back to me.

F.G. in Gouache, Gouache and Charcoal on Paper

This was a quick painting based off a photograph that I took back when my son was 12.  He was standing up on a hill in Central Park in New York City.  I saved the photograph for years hoping to use it in the studio.   On a particularly gloomy day, I decided to make this piece using a combination of Payne Grey in Gouache and charcoal. 

The road ahead will not be easy.  But if I have learned anything, I have learned that every path has a purpose...no matter how dark it might be...there is always light somewhere down it. You just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other.

***
Linking this to Paint Party Friday.

Still Trying to Get By...Snapshots from the Studio

"Traverse," acrylic on canvas. 24 X 30 inches

Well, I thought that I might be able to pull this blog up out of the dust, but life is just too crazy.  Perhaps I will just put tiny thoughts down and post a few images for now.  I am not taking 'professional' photos of the work yet. These are just iPhone snap shots of the paintings on easels in the studio space.

On the right, is one of my recent paintings.  I completed this about a week ago and it is no longer on the easel in my studio as pictured here in this quick snapshot on my iPhone.  It is sitting on the hearth of my fireplace along with a basket holding a blanket.








Here are a few more snapshots of some recent work.  The first one is an older painting that I took back into the studio for a few changes.  Sorry....the pic isn't centered, but hey, it's the best I got for ya now!

"Finding Answers" - Acrylic on canvas. 3 x 5 ft.

This second one is another recently completed painting.

Mood Disorder, Acrylic on canvas 3 feet by 5 feet.

I've have two paintings in progress in the studio.  I just took this quick snapshot of them sitting side by side.

The long, tall canvas is just in the beginning stages. I like to put a background of color down to start.  I just let myself paint and try not to over think the choices.  I know that most of it will be covered up in the end.

The large, square painting has three layers of paint at this point.  I started with straight-out-of-the-tube color in a block style,

Then painted a wash over and added a few opaque areas of white.

Yesterday, I covered the surface with gesso and created a mottled surface with plastic bags.

Here are a few more detailed snapshots of the surface texture.

I will be putting some sort of wash over this surface soon and add some imagery.  Still pondering on this one.

So that is it for now.  My personal life is spinning all around currently, so you will have to excuse my lack of consistency and not-so-great photos.  It's all I can do right now.  I'm okay with that. Hope you are too!

Favorite quote this week:  In dreams and in love, there are no impossibilities.

***