Thursday, May 2, 2013

Finding Answers and Searching for the Recipe One Step at a Time

My son is a musician and a song writer.  He discovered his passion for music at age 13.  In high school, he was an honors student and pretty darn amazing at remembering facts and figures.  He always excelled in the sciences.  He had a gift for understanding scientific concepts.  When he was quite young, he would love to get as gifts large coffee table books covering all sorts of biological and animal life subjects.  He would devour the contents and to this day can still pull up details about strange creatures and organisms.

He is one of those people who is fascinating and is knitted together quite differently from most others. He has the intellect of a geeky kid, but not the personality.   He is extremely outgoing and social.  This fact has made growing up tough for him. Even though he was one of the smartest kids in his classes, he struggled to perform academically because of the negative distractions.  He has not had an easy road. At the age of 18, he has experienced much more hurt and heartbreak then most people do in a lifetime.  His struggles have been epic...but he is a survivor.

I was told once by an elderly lady whom we came into contact with when he was a toddler that I had been given a gift. She told me that I had been given a child that was here to change the world.  Oh course, she was saying this based on his current headstrong and unrelenting behavior, but somehow she saw something in him.  During some of the toughest days as a mother, I would cling to those words, thinking that they meant something.  I told myself that she must have been an angel send with a message.  It got me through a lot.  I am grateful to this day that she took the time to impart her words. We should all do that more often.

Paris 2011. He spontaneously joined a group of street performers. He played for two hours with these guys who had mad respect for him.  He even drew a pretty huge crowd of people.  I think he still sees this moment as one of the
happiness afternoons to date. 
I had always just assumed that both my kids would have a great high school experience.  That my house would be filled with friends and parties, football games and school activities. I assumed that I would be able to guild them into choosing the best, most well selected colleges that would match their passions. I guess that I always thought that if I worked hard and became the best mother on earth, that they could move mountains and that everything would work out just great.  I assumed a lot, but learn oh so much more.  They say that when life throws a curve ball, you better have your mitt ready.  Well, we caught the ball...and we are still trying to recover from the sting...we are also looking for the recipe to the right lemonade.

This image was taken back in 2012 by my daughter, who is a gifted artist and photographer.  I have a ton of images of him throughout the years walking away. Kinda a strange happenstance.  I realized this during the last 6 months...that he always seemed to be walking away, in search of something.  Perhaps we will help him find that something now.

So now we are on a new road.  A new normal.  A one day at a time future.  The recipe is somewhere out there. No doubt Life will point us in a direction.  Life has a way of doing that.  I still believe that I am that great mother who can help my kid move mountains.  It just so happens that we've moved to a new range.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"
Dale Carnegie



Korrie@RedHenHome said...

This had to have been hard to share, but I think it will be helpful to many, me included! I wish I could find the source, but I take comfort from the words of one of my church leaders...our children were sent to the homes where they would have the best chance to succeed. I don't think that means the best schools and the high-paying jobs (as nice as that might be), but having happy, healthy, productive lives. And that's what you are doing! Hang in there. The new road will surely have many more adventures, but at least you are traveling together.

Twice Nice said...

I think you might just be right about the angels visit to you when your son was young. Korrie was right on in her comment too. Together you will face the adventures and find your way forward.

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

this post is full of so much love, and shows a boy, now a man, with so much spirit and so much to give. he will get through this, he will be stronger. and you will, too. to put it plainly, life can totally suck at times, and you can feel lost and full of darkness. i have been there.... but you can work to start seeing the beauty again- it's all around.

Sharon said...

Thank you so much for opening your heart with us! What courage and bravery you have! We are just beginning this journey as well and your post today was very timely. God has reminded me in so many ways the last couple of weeks that "He knows" even when I have no idea where this is going or what to expect or what I need, GOD KNOWS and He holds us. Blessings to you!

Deneen@dreaming-n-color said...

Never doubt yourself. You are are good mom and he will get there one day at a time! We have had many talks so you know how I feel. The woman you met was placed in your life for a reason. Even if it was just the words you needed to make to another day.Your son is special. He has a great talent and will be able to use his experience to learn from and pass along...maybe in his music. Take care my friend!

Rosemary@villabarnes said...

You son is a gifted soul. You've done your best, and I'm sure he will find his path. Some of the best things come out of adversity. Sometimes,as parents, I think we get caught up in "normal". My family is far from conventional. As always, sending hugs.

Vickie @ Ranger 911 said...

We all have visions of how our children will turn out, but there comes a time when we have to just let go of our visions and concentrate on what will make them happy. I've never met you, but I've come to know you through our blogs and I can say without a doubt that you put your children's happiness above all else. I can hear hope in your words and I couldn't be more pleased for you and your son. :)

xo, Vickie

Paper rainbow said...

You sound a terrific mum Lesley! And very rightly proud, I loved the photo of your son playing in Paris! The lady who said you had been given a gift was right, all our children are gifts, although as you say you often get thrown a curved ball. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal journey. I find it hard to share my personal stuff and admire those who do.
Much Love
Morag X