Finding Answers and Searching for the Recipe One Step at a Time

My son is a musician and a song writer.  He discovered his passion for music at age 13.  In high school, he was an honors student and pretty darn amazing at remembering facts and figures.  He always excelled in the sciences.  He had a gift for understanding scientific concepts.  When he was quite young, he would love to get as gifts large coffee table books covering all sorts of biological and animal life subjects.  He would devour the contents and to this day can still pull up details about strange creatures and organisms.

He is one of those people who is fascinating and is knitted together quite differently from most others. He has the intellect of a geeky kid, but not the personality.   He is extremely outgoing and social.  This fact has made growing up tough for him. Even though he was one of the smartest kids in his classes, he struggled to perform academically because of the negative distractions.  He has not had an easy road. At the age of 18, he has experienced much more hurt and heartbreak then most people do in a lifetime.  His struggles have been epic...but he is a survivor.

I was told once by an elderly lady whom we came into contact with when he was a toddler that I had been given a gift. She told me that I had been given a child that was here to change the world.  Oh course, she was saying this based on his current headstrong and unrelenting behavior, but somehow she saw something in him.  During some of the toughest days as a mother, I would cling to those words, thinking that they meant something.  I told myself that she must have been an angel send with a message.  It got me through a lot.  I am grateful to this day that she took the time to impart her words. We should all do that more often.

Paris 2011. He spontaneously joined a group of street performers. He played for two hours with these guys who had mad respect for him.  He even drew a pretty huge crowd of people.  I think he still sees this moment as one of the
happiness afternoons to date. 

I had always just assumed that both my kids would have a great high school experience.  That my house would be filled with friends and parties, football games and school activities. I assumed that I would be able to guild them into choosing the best, most well selected colleges that would match their passions. I guess that I always thought that if I worked hard and became the best mother on earth, that they could move mountains and that everything would work out just great.  I assumed a lot, but learn oh so much more.  They say that when life throws a curve ball, you better have your mitt ready.  Well, we caught the ball...and we are still trying to recover from the sting...we are also looking for the recipe to the right lemonade.

This image was taken back in 2012 by my daughter, who is a gifted artist and photographer.  I have a ton of images of him throughout the years walking away. Kinda a strange happenstance.  I realized this during the last 6 months...that he always seemed to be walking away, in search of something.  Perhaps we will help him find that something now.

So now we are on a new road.  A new normal.  A one day at a time future.  The recipe is somewhere out there. No doubt Life will point us in a direction.  Life has a way of doing that.  I still believe that I am that great mother who can help my kid move mountains.  It just so happens that we've moved to a new range.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

Dale Carnegie

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